I’ve been feeling very…silent lately, in my head. I can sit and try and think of something to do, but in the end this static silence fills my brain and I can’t remember when it started – or why.
I’ve not been happy with myself. In a variety of ways. I keep doing things wrong; I feel like I’m missing opportunities; I know I should be writing or doing something but I just…can’t. So I look down at myself and I see a body I don’t like. I know exactly how to fix it so why don’t I? Why do I self-destruct this way? I am doing nothing and in doing nothing I am unhappy. And so I sit and let the silence flood back in.
Excuses fill my mind: “oh I’ll do it when this happens” or “just wait a couple of weeks and then you’ll have the freedom to” but I see right through them. Nothing is stopping me right now, apart from myself. And that’s the biggest problem.