The past two years have brought massive upheaval, in a variety of forms. Without sounding cliche, each change and each difficulty has helped me develop who I am. I’ve been learning from everything, and becoming a much better person because of it.
I spent quite a while feeling that I kept making the wrong decisions. Hence the university change, hence the course change…and much more. I decided that I had had enough of it. No more wrong decisions for me – no more ignoring that niggling little voice telling me something is wrong. I knew I needed to start admitting to myself when something I doubted was worth doubting – and that maybe it was time to do something about it.
So, after a long time thinking about it, I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. It was a tough decision – and a surprising one to many people. But it was the right one.
Since making the decision, I have felt lighter. Everything that used to play on my mind is suddenly a thing of the past. My head no longer feels like its clogged up and spinning. I feel like I can think clearly, and I feel like every piece of happiness is just that – nothing dark curling at its edges.
I am not going into details, but I got hurt. And that hurt stayed with me for a long time, and I have finally decided to let it go. That meant letting go of my relationship too – and even though it was hard, I know that it was the right time. I will always look back on the three years with fondness, and perhaps a little nostalgia. But the happiness and ease at which I go through my days now just proves I made the right choice.
It is a pretty big change in my life, but I am adapting to it strangely well. I’m not hurting anymore, I’m simply happy. And I feel like I’m living life completely for me. I can’t properly express what this feels like – it’s something I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever. Carefree? Perhaps. Whatever it is, I am so glad this is where I’m at.
I’m proud of myself for making this difficult decision. And I am happy. I’m happy.
What a concept, what a delight.
Featured Image | Irena Kostenich